As I release further extracts from my series of letters from nearly 10 years ago. I recall writing about respect in Korea.
Here are my thoughts from 2012-2013
Korean society and structure are based largely on Chinese Confucian principles which are prevalent throughout the nation. Derived from the Chinese philosopher Confucius (551-479 BC) Confucian principles have several key elements. Among these is respect for teachers, seniors, and elders. In Korean society, this is of utmost importance. Respect for teachers is such that there is even a day designated for teachers where students present them with gifts or even take them out to dinner or drinks.
Respect for the elderly is very common and is one of the key fabrics that seem to hold Korean society together. This is demonstrated daily whereby seats on buses or trains are regularly offered to seniors or as previously discussed in Korean drinking culture whereby two hands holding the glass and drinking away from an older person are commonly practiced. In Korea, there is also a parents’ day whereby children dress in traditional costumes and bow to parents in receipt of an envelope of money that could be anything from $10-$100.
Koreans celebrate two key holidays during the year. One is the Lunar New Year which is a month or two after our normal New Year’s holiday. It usually involves drinking, gifts, and of course great consumption of food. If you can manage to avoid most of the country traveling it is a lot of fun having a second New Year’s party. The other holiday is called Chuseok. This is the celebration of the harvest during September whereby great respect is paid to past ancestors. This might involve bowing at tombs and placing food and alcohol there as a mark of respect. All following a highly structured and organized system of etiquette passed down through the generations.
When I first came to Korea I was puzzled as to scenes whereby I would watch women and young men go and smoke in bathrooms hidden away from the group they were with. Returning to the group and claiming that they didn’t smoke. There is a known tradition in Korea of not smoking in front of elders and those older than you as a sign of respect. It would cause major problems by engaging in this act.
Koreans when they are born are regarded as one year older. They take into account the period spent in the womb. As a result, there is sometimes confusion when asked about your age as they can be confused over their Korean age or international age.
In Korea it is all about determining as soon as possible the hierarchy in relationships and if you have a link to that person no matter how tedious. By having a connection you have an angle to relate to someone. This could be anything from what town you are from to what elementary school you attended. These relationships determine your relationship and also your ability to advance in life. No matter how obscure they are the relationship will count. An extreme example if you can follow me for a second could be a friend whose brother went to school with my cousins’ wife holds relevance and a connection that brings closeness and networks for life. This kind of tedious link will put someone at an advantage compared to someone else.
When you meet Koreans for the first time you generally get asked 3 questions.
1) How old are you?
2) Why did you come to Korea?
3) Are you married?
These three questions will determine your relationship and communication with another person. By asking your age they can determine who has the seniority in relationships. Even if you were born a day earlier than the other person you would become their senior and they would treat you with respect. In terms of language using a form of Korean that is honorific rather than the normal day-to-day Korean allows distinction between groups and respect to elders, bosses, parents, or anyone in higher social standing. The second question comes from curiosity to find out your general reasons why you didn’t go to another country. What is it about Korea that interests you? Finally, by determining your marital status they can work out if something is wrong with you for not marrying and why you don’t fit the image of a perfect family.
Korea, where traditionalism and modernity attempt to coexist with interesting results, is a nation where the concept of respect filters through society and has an essential role in holding this society together. Sometimes I wonder if some key points could be incorporated into the youth of the Cook Islands and New Zealand where some of them seem to have gone astray.
Some things have changed since I wrote that article.
These days the concept of drinking and buying gifts for teachers has largely disappeared in the last few years due to changes in the law restricting these kinds of actions in society to reduce corruption. Even though Confucianism is still embedded in South Korean society the younger generation appears to be moving towards more individualism in thought and actions. It will be very interesting to see what happens in the next 5, 10 even 15 years and how this shapes Korean culture and the concept of respect.
TAKING EARLY ACTION
As discussed in previous newsletters, my time to departure seems to be speeding up. Fingers crossed that if I can gain the quarantine reservation I will likely be out in 6 months and documenting a new journey and challenges.
A few letters ago I began the process in the following
Boxing up clothes and books that I will send back home in the next few weeks.
Looking at things around the house and deciding whether to sell or give away.
Working out the logistics of getting into New Zealand considering airline dates and quarantine reservations.
A quick update about boxing up clothes and books. The process has been going surprisingly well. It’s amazing how many clothes you buy and never wear and also the number of books you have and never read. Hopefully, in the next few weeks, I’m looking to send those materials as a trial run and see if they reach their destination.
As regards number two I originally decided to get rid of everything. However, now I’m considering keeping a few large things and sending them back. It’s a constant battle between keeping them or leaving them. In discussions with a good friend a recommendation came to use the following due to their cheaper rates and highly efficient system. Still in the thinking stage whether this will happen.
Concerning the quarantine booking system of New Zealand, the same situation continues in that it’s very difficult to gain access to reservations.
Keeping an eye out for the bulk dates to open up around my time of departure will allow me to make a reservation and the ability to get home. One of the readers has pointed out a large number of people enlisting the help of coders that are selling their services that allow one to make reservations faster than manual entry. Looking into that!
Another area that I have been working on is the preparation and processing of pets to take with me. I currently have a nine-year-old Siamese cat that is getting ready to head to New Zealand and eventually the Cook Islands. I’m sure he will enjoy not being in an apartment and running around outside. After extensive research and originally thinking I could do the process by myself. I selected a company that so far seems very professional. Pet airline has been very useful and provided a list of requirements and deadlines. It seems to send an animal to New Zealand the process should begin six months before departure. Australia and New Zealand have very strict guidelines and requirements and the cost is very high.
We should return to the Veterinarian in a few weeks for step 3 which includes a blood test.
Looking forward to keeping readers updated on these processes and more in future editions.
I agree the post in broad strokes, but my response to modern day may not be a popular. Even though people often say the high-context nature of Korean society is respect and etiquette (예의) oriented, that is just a dictionary mistranslation to be nice. The hierarchy, militarism, power distance, and ascribed culture mean that the acculturation is much closer to obeisance than true respect. In English, if one says "respect your elders," it typically implies "you should... for some reason" because everyone knows "respect is earned" in the democratic and meritocratic sense. That is not the case in Korean grammar and every day colloquial context. Children are corrected to the honorific grammar out of necessity, out of demand, out of obeisance, just as in the military you don't ask "why am I doing these pushups?": because you were told to. So, I challenge the idea that college kids using "older brother" is a true honorific, but rather as a required social convention and obligation, because to not do so makes one a potential social outcast: and social proof is one of the most protected things in all societies. That is not to say that Korea doesn't have a great depth of potential respect, as all those who have studied Korean culture, language, history, and Confucianism know. Yet if one anywhere replaces the respect-worthy, with the vulgar, or the 美 with the 惡. then we should not be surprised when we see a multitude of contradictions within that society, and misunderstandings. Korea has changes a lot in the last 20 to 40 years most certainly... and they do eat less kimchi. We should have more wholesome things like kimchi in our daily habits, not less, which applies to far more than fermented vegetables: 콩 심은데 콩나고, 팥 심은데 팥난다.
I agree the post in broad strokes, but my response to modern day may not be a popular. Even though people often say the high-context nature of Korean society is respect and etiquette (예의) oriented, that is just a dictionary mistranslation to be nice. The hierarchy, militarism, power distance, and ascribed culture mean that the acculturation is much closer to obeisance than true respect. In English, if one says "respect your elders," it typically implies "you should... for some reason" because everyone knows "respect is earned" in the democratic and meritocratic sense. That is not the case in Korean grammar and every day colloquial context. Children are corrected to the honorific grammar out of necessity, out of demand, out of obeisance, just as in the military you don't ask "why am I doing these pushups?": because you were told to. So, I challenge the idea that college kids using "older brother" is a true honorific, but rather as a required social convention and obligation, because to not do so makes one a potential social outcast: and social proof is one of the most protected things in all societies. That is not to say that Korea doesn't have a great depth of potential respect, as all those who have studied Korean culture, language, history, and Confucianism know. Yet if one anywhere replaces the respect-worthy, with the vulgar, or the 美 with the 惡. then we should not be surprised when we see a multitude of contradictions within that society, and misunderstandings. Korea has changes a lot in the last 20 to 40 years most certainly... and they do eat less kimchi. We should have more wholesome things like kimchi in our daily habits, not less, which applies to far more than fermented vegetables: 콩 심은데 콩나고, 팥 심은데 팥난다.